Hey You, I have a confession to make!!Something has been on my mind lately and it has given me sleepless nights and restless days. By day it haunts my shadow and by night it haunts my dreams. I can hold it in no more, I am letting the cat out of the bag.

I once read that a problem shared remains half of a problem. I know I can handle half a problem or no problem at all so let me share my problem. I have this particular secret that has been itchy on my mouth and guess what; I will not put my tongue through the torments of itching. I am going to say it. It is now an open secret. This is my candid confession!!

Ladies and gents, the month of January is finally over and the year 2020 can officially begin. For those of you who might be wondering, I made it through January and I was not carried away by the beep, I missed That Illusion!

You’ll be lying if you said you have never fallen in the bathroom. Those slippery floors especially when wet have a way of guiding us downwards regardless of whether you have scrubbed yourself clean or it was just a quick shower to give yourself a false sense of confidence. We all know how it works.

To be honest I have fallen countless times in the one and half complete decade I have lived on the third planet from the sun. I know you are wondering what type of human being I am but wonder not. I am normal and very stable. My cerebellar* nuclei are intact.

*Cerebellum is the part of the brain that is responsible for balance and equilibrium.

You might be inclined to call me clumsy but allow me to cut that insulting thought right there. For reference, I am not clumsy because the last time I checked, my mum’s china wear have been in their complete sets for 6 months now and in case you are guessing, yours truly is the official dishes handler in the kitchen. She actually decided to get this really pretty glass flower vase and yes it is my prayer that it leaves to see at least 2 months, it’s only 23 days old by the way. Anyway, that is a story for another day.

As you might have already figured, I fell in the bathroom and sitting has been quite uncomfortable lately but on New Year ’s Eve I declared and decreed that 2020 is my year and such a simple set back will not ruin my appointed year 2020. I mean I am done with the toughest part of the year- Njaanuary and luckily the beep did not catch with me. I am glad.

Some question has pre-occupied my mind lately; is it that estrogen deliberately failed to add an extra layer of fat on my gluteus or is it a generational curse. Forgive me if I am loose in my thinking, I am yet to get the answer to this question and to be frank, I have not had peace of mind since the fall.

After trying 67 different sitting positions and having 66 fails, I have decided to write this while standing because of reasons we are all aware of. The pain I feel on my butt is exhilarating, exonerating and simply put, it is just painful. Just imagine having a hurting butt and an itchy secret. That combination alone is enough to send you to insanity. However, being the diligent med student that I am, I at least went through my notes to find out what exactly was happening. This is the perfect presentation of the medical student syndrome*. Want to know what I thought I was suffering from; chronic generational cursing with an incurable itchy tongue. First reported in some galaxy a billion light years from the Milky Way galaxy, that is our galaxy. In short I was having an alien invasion in my head.

*medical student syndrome –this is a collection of clinical signs in which a medical student feel like they are suffering from a condition after studying about it.

You know that time you hit the ground really hard, butt first, and you have stars filling your vision and pain just hitting any nerve ending available? I bet you do. That uncomfortable sensation that arises from the activation of the nervous system is called pain and it is indeed uncomfortable. For the first time in my very awesome, I wished someone slacked in their job because the person who invented pain was damn too good for the job.

Pain is that uncomfortable sensation in the body that arises from activation of the nervous system. According to the principle of pain (observed by Faith­_daktari), the degree of pain especially from a fall, is directly proportional to embarrassment which is equal to the number of people who witnessed the fall. In my case, the degree of pain was quite high and I am not willing to add you to my list of witnesses and in the process of increase the level of pain. Sorry I am not sorry for sparing you the gory details of my downfall. I have an ego to protect; just saying.

Even though you didn’t admit it, I know you have once fallen and gotten injured and of course felt pain. Or maybe, the table was just on your path and happened to have a particular liking for your toes and you went….Oooouuuuch!!!!!

I know, it was painful. The mere memory of it is making you tremble in fear. I call it, the power of pain.

According to Google, painful means, affected with or causing distress or trouble. (I am too lazy to look it up in some Oxford or Cambridge dictionary).

I did some digging, retrieved my anatomy books and after a lot of mind juggling, one sleepless night and 4.5 cups of coffee, behold I present …(drum rolls)…..The pain circuit.

BEWARE!!

High voltage.

Be cautionary.

I don’t want any of you getting electrocuted in these chambers because it is going to be painful. Furthermore, I am not a certified doctor yet so I can’t promise free treatment to your electrocuted sorry self.

The pain circuit

I am sorry for the missing calculation on voltage, current I don’t know resistance and conductivity and I can barely state the Ohm’s law. Unfortunately I am no engineering student and only one law applies to me; keep it simple and real. This is the law that keeps me sane in med school.

A century ago, my physics teacher back in high school mentioned that a simple short circuit and there won’t be end results in this case pain. From the circuit above, if you are thinking what I am thinking then you are a genius and too intelligently dangerous for the normal human population.

Eliminate one component of the circuit and there you go no pain. So, which element do you have in mind; nerve endings, spinal cord or even the mighty processor, your brain – the ultimate trouble maker who thinks too much out of a single stimulation.

As for me, I would go for the best choice which is none of the above. Just in case you don’t know, you need the three main elements for touch as well and believe me nobody wants to live a touch- less life and not especially when valentines is a fortnight away.

Here is what I would do;

1. Watch my path.

I would sign a memorandum of understanding (M.o.U), with all tables, chairs and pretty much anything else that is likely to knock my toes that clearly states they stay out of my way and me out of theirs. Especially that new vase that my mum bought.

2. I’ll buy a new pair of flip flops that will not conspire with the bathroom floor against me.

Actually if you know of someone who deals in such, tell them I have got business for them. Good business.

In the meantime I have a painful gluteus that needs my attention and pampering.

Holly Molly!!! Who placed this chair here?

You did you moron my brain has to interject, shamefully of course.

And now I have a hurting big toe and chipped nail polish.

Does my brain know how expensive it is to get a pedicure?

I bet it doesn’t.

For the sake of my itchy tongue;

Here is my secret: I fell in the bathroom

******

Your support is just immense….thank you so much!

Like, share and leave a comment down below..

Faith_daktari is now on instragram

Click here👇

@faithdaktari

Follow and May the fun continue!!!!!