“Sorry, the mobile subscriber cannot be reached. Samahani, mteja….”
We all know how that statement goes. As annoying as that robotic voice is, at one time it will always be on the other end. If you call me, there is a high probability that a robotic voice will pick your call. Either I will be unreachable or most probably busy on another call. I am in relationship or better, a Nairobi type of situationship where a phone is not just a gadget of communication but one capable of breaking what only death can put apart.

On Saturday night, my friend and I planned for a video call. You see in this era of video conferencing and virtual meeting, everything that needs you to stay in front of a camera needs you to put a little attention to your appearance. I needed two hours to get ready, 20 minutes to wash away the sleep on my face and the remaining 100 minutes to convince him why I needed to do this.
For the longest time now, this has been an issue that has threatened the foundations of our relationships, sorry situationship. Every time this topic comes up, he always has an objection or other plans. Why can’t I spend time with my friends too?

I don’t live under a stone or a cave dug by the freedom fighters in the deep forest of Aberdare. I live in a medium sized town in county 031 in Kenya. Life in this part of the country is quiet and peaceful with a particular fresh breath of air. The country side for us is our dream destination. This is where the blaze that our relationship is started. Even so, we are not always of the same mind when it comes to matters connections. He is protective of what is his, maybe a little too much. He gives a roller coaster vibe, one minute he is all nice the next he is moody and grumpy.
Handling a moody person is tiresome and backbreaking. Tick Tock.
They are a ticking bomb waiting to explode and one is never sure which face will show after the dust settles; is it the ugly or the pretty?

Nonetheless, after a long 50 minutes of convincing, I finally get to video call my friend. As I soak up the juicy gossip she has to tell, I can’t help but keep an eye on him. Don’t get me wrong, I trust him enough to walk an inch less than the recommended 1 meter physical distance but not enough to believe he will not eves drop our girly chit chat. He just can’t keep his hands or is it ears to himself and the bars are always empty. We have this thing where the more the bars that show, the more connected we are. It’s just our thing.

The other day, I had a job related submission to make at 8 pm. Throughout the day, he was good and very cooperative. He even helped with some design work. Too good that it had me believing for a second that finally the moods were gone, the gruelling perseverance over. Who would have thought that at 8pm the ugly demeaning face is what would rise from the ashes after yet another emotional outburst. The bars were empty, a sign we had lost our connection. The robotic voice took over my receiver and my submission remained suspended in the clouds. He had me all to himself yet he did nothing. Why were the bars empty after such a good day? My submission went through the next day, 12 hours after the deadline. I was embarrassed and mortified by the tardiness and virtually lost my job but that is the price I pay for his moods.

Every cloud has a silver lining and ours has a golden lining. There are good times when the ice breaks and beneath gleams intimacy. These are the times we enjoy a few tiktok dances, watch the trendi ng videos on you tube, catch up on trending topics on twitter and maybe engage with a friend on skype. Good times.
But then comes the mood swings. Which one will show it’s face next?

This situationship with my sim network is on and off. One minute I am enjoying fourth generation(4G) connectivity, the next the bars are empty. The connection gone! However, we all know how this situationships end, in premium tears!

We all have had our situationships with sim network especially up country. The hustle to get a good connection should be recognised as an art of calculations and precision. There is this particular spots where all the bars are high and you can even stream online but they are few and far between. They are golden spots. Just like all other situationships, this one too ends in tears when your boss calls and you lose connection midway and the robotic voice takes your place for a whole day.

Heeeey
How is your network situationship?
Kamati ya roho chafu is going to release a report on this one.

Hope you enjoyed. Keep it locked every Tuesday.